Harry Potter Remastered
by WhatIsMyName13
Summary: This is basically what the title says. Harry Potter re-mastered. Charaters changed, storylines edited, new characters added...the whole shi-bang.
1. Chapter 1

I'm baaaack

I know I haven't put anything up in ages but yeah

This is another story I co-wrote with Hay

She seems to have gotten over her Twilight obsession and is now obsessed with Harry Potter

But on with the story-

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In Privet Drive it appeared to be a night like any other. However, it was not. Albus Dumbledore was strolling down the street, his blue eyes swimming with tears. He had missed yet another episode of his favourite hit TV series EVER, _True Blood_. It was all down to that moronic family, the Potters and their dumb little brat of a son, Harry, the one year old boy who Dumbledore was waiting on arrival, thanks to Hagrid the freakishly tall and obese guy whose size was a constant reminder of why he had been expelled from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but that's a story for another day. Dumbledore checked his second-hand watch. Yep, he'd missed the repeat and everything. Suddenly, a big mass of hair on a flying motorcycle came into view. When you think about it, Hagrid slighted resembled a walking, talking bush on big chunky legs. Also, his thick mass of hair really was a safety hazard, as was proved when the bike came flying head-first down onto the ground, tumbling over many times. A baby flew from the bike, whacked against the door of number 4 Privet Drive, slid slowly down to the step, still wrapped in his blankets and let out a small snore.

"I didn't even have to carry him to the doorstep! I missed True Blood for NOTHING!!" He broke into sobs, he turned dejectedly and bumped straight into Professor McGonagall.

She sneered, "You missed True Blood, didn't you?"

Raising his voice he wailed "Yeeees." He then broke down in tears, he threw himself at the other professor "HOLD ME!!"

She sidestepped so he flew past her and hit a lamp post headfirst. She exclaimed "Eww, you freak, why would I ever hold someone like you?"

She turned to walk away and he shouted at her "You still have a tail by the way!"

She stuck the finger up at him.

***  Ten Years Later  ***

"Why hello, Harry," said a strange old man, peering at him over his fish-shaped spectacles. "You are a wizard. Today a fat man will come through your door, pick you up and take you away to a school where you will learn MAGIC!" He grinned insanely. "MAGIC!"

Harry woke with a start, banging his head on the ceiling in his cupboard under the stairs. He yelled strangled, incomprehensible words. Uh-oh it was his birthday today! He mustn't wake the Dursleys! Too late. Soon he heard them clattering down the stairs. Uncle Vernon ripped open the door, yanked him out and threw him on the floor, where he and his wife Petunia proceeded to birthday-beat him with sticks and high heels. Their son Dudley trailed down the stairs, his life-long bulimia leaving him abnormally thin, ghostly pale, weak and fragile.

"Stop! I had a dream! I'm a wizard!" shrieked Harry. All 3 of the Dursleys froze in place, Petunia with her arm raised high above her head clutching a stiletto, Vernon fell flat on his face and Dudley went flying down the stairs. "Bullshit! Bullshit! BULLSHIT!" Uncle Vernon bellowed, just as Hagrid burst through the door, picked up a dazed Harry, head-butted him unconscious, said, "Mine." and walked back out again. Hagrid took Harry to the Leaky Cauldron where he woke up. "Where am I?" he said sleepily. Hagrid set Harry down, touched his pink flowery umbrella to the wall, wacked it off the top of Harry's head to knock him out again, and slipped the young boy into his pocket. He poked him awake when they were at his vault at Gringotts, where Harry proceeded to swim among his coins singing 'If I were a rich man .. Nah-nah nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-naaaah ..' to the tune of Gwen Stefani's song. The goblin sighed and began to shut the door. Harry finally took the hint, grabbed as much as he could of the strange funkylicious coins and hopped out.

"Your parents left yeh all that. They got killed by the Vollipop Man. Hagrid no say real name of Vollipop Man."

"Oh, okay," said Harry, following Hagrid around the strange street. They bought some supplies for school and then went into Madam What's-Her-Face's for robes.

As they entered they could hear a boy of about Harry's age singing "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow". As they came into view they saw that he was extremely hot with blond hair, pale skin and beautiful grey eyes to match his amazing voice. He was smiling, sitting on one of three chairs lined against up the wall facing a counter behind which sat a witch who was looking at him in awe as if he was the cutest thing she'd ever seen. He probably was too, swinging his little legs merrily and singing away to himself. On either side of the counter were two booths with pulled curtains which were obviously changing rooms. The one on the boy's left opened and what was obviously his mother stepped out, donning an expensive-looking set of dress robes. Her son put his hands over his heart and crooned, "Oh mother, beautiful as always!" as she twirled round in her new clothes. "Why thank you, Draco," she said beaming at him. The other curtain was pulled and out stepped the boy's father, who resembled him a lot. "Dashing, father," said Draco, grinning up at his dad.

"We'll take these too," said his mother, turning to the shopkeeper person. "Well your total comes to an amount of 69 Galleons Mr Malfoy,'' she replied, turning to the man again. He handed her a couple transparent bags of gold coins in exchange for six bulging shopping ones. The shopkeeper bowed to them, before passing the young boy a lollipop over the counter.

"Thank you, Madam Malkin," said Draco cheerfully, smiling up at her sweetly and turning and walking out of the shop with his parents. That was all Harry saw, before he felt the almighty force of Hagrid's flowery umbrella as came cascading down to smite his head, knocking him into unconsciousness once more.

Harry awoke again to the sound of Hagrid's voice saying "One .." he opened his eyes to see himself facing a pillar which appeared to be swinging away from him and back again. "Two .." he looked up and realised that it was _him _being swung, one of Hagrid's ginormous hands around Harry's wrist, the other around his ankle. Hagrid was about to let go and throw him at the pillar. "No Hagrid -!"

"Three .." Harry looked up and realised he was in a train station, just as Hagrid released his hold on Harry and threw him headfirst at the pillar. Harry hit it and ricocheted off it. HE was unconscious yet again. "Ooops, Hagrid ferew Harwey at the wong barrier, this is 8-9 not 9-10..." Hagrid smiled sheepishly.

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I would like some people to tell us if this is any good

I want some reviews people!!

Make my day and we'll write more

Lots of Love

Zee

xx


	2. Chapter 2

This is such a long chapter...O.o

Hay wrote most of it,

I obviously wrote the Cara and Blaise bits

YAY!

Read on...please?

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Hayley Oxenstierna-Nyberg just had to sleep in on the most important, exciting day of her life. That was just her luck. Then again, she had been that excited that she'd only fell asleep half an hour before she was due to wake up. She was being helped onto the Hogwarts Express by her mother, because she couldn't see for thick bushy black hair. This was why she was so upset about sleeping in; she hadn't had time to do her hair. She literally couldn't see and nobody could see her face.

"Just make sure you get straight to one of the teachers to try and get help for your hair, Hayley," said her mother in her Swedish accent, worry etched on her pale features.

"Mum, I'll be fine," Hayley reassured her, tripping AGAIN as she spoke. She was even clumsier than usual today; she'd been dying to get to Hogwarts her whole life.

After saying goodbye to her mum, she walked into the crowded train, trying to make her way through the people. She fell into a compartment that sounded empty, but heard two boys talking in arrogant, loud voices.

"You were raised by MUGGLES?" one was saying.

"Yes, and they were the worst type of muggles you could ever meet, I got saved from a birthday beating the day I found out about all this stuff." said the second.

"Well my family are just as awful, if not worse, they're filthy blood traitors. Ugh. And they're all ginger!" said the first again.

"But ... you're ginger too ..." said the other.

"Only externally! And it's their fault! I'm ashamed to be a Weasley!" said the red-headed one. Suddenly, they seemed to notice someone had fallen through the door. "What the HELL are you?" shouted the ginger one, jumping back in surprise.

"You look like that filthy oaf Hagrid!" said the other one.

"Yeah it does, Potter, let's beat it up!"

Tears sprung to her eyes. She'd thought her Hogwarts stay was going to go perfectly...

"It's probably as ugly and stupid as Hagrid too!" The two boys jumped on the poor girl who was blinded by her own hair, kicking her in the side till she rolled backwards out the door again.

She heard the door slam and the evil laughter echoing from inside. It was then that she realised she'd rolled right into somebody's legs. Looking up, she saw, through a slight crack in her mad hair, the most beautiful grey eyes staring back at her. Ah crap, she thought. Hottest guy I've seen in my life and I have to fall right into him.

"Are you alright?" he crouched down beside her, concern on his beautiful face, and stared at the mass of hair.

"Uh sorta ..." she could barely talk from shock of seeing this boy and also from just being kicked multiple times. He held out his hand to help her up.

"Let's find a compartment and try and fix you up," he smiled the most somehow handsome-and-cute-at-the-same-time little smile she'd ever seen.

"Uhh ... Okay." Her day was turning out to be very, very good. She couldn't remember the whole being beaten up thing at all anymore. The boy found an empty compartment and led her by the hand into it. They sat down and her prince charming cocked his head to the side.

"Hmm ... how do we go about fixing your hair so you can see?" he murmered to himself. He parted her hair with his fingers and held it back behind her ears. Hayley began to blink in the bright light. He came properly into focus and they stared at each other, inhaling slightly audibly. They looked into each other's eyes, lost for a moment.

"You look very pretty with your hair pushed back," he said, smiling. She blushed and stared at her toes. They shared a nervous giggle, before the blond boy went, "Ah! I've got it! Deflato pasalamento!" Hayley felt her hair straighten out and down. It felt NORMAL.

"Wow, that feels weird." she said.

"It looks beautiful on you," said the boy. Hayley ran her fingers over her hair. It was poker-straight and silky smooth.

"My mum never really knew how to control it, just UN-bushify it." she shrugged.

"Your hair always like that?" he asked sympathetically.

"Yeah," she sighed.

"Well you shouldn't have that problem so bad anymore. That spell's pretty permanent. It could be worse though. You could be like ginger or something." he said. She smiled at him.

"Guess you're right. It'll maybe be easier for me to manage it now."

He laughed. "Oh how, rude of me, I didn't introduce myself!" said the boy with his gorgeous eyes lighting up, which were even more beautiful when she could see right.

"I'm Draco Malfoy." he smiled again, illuminating his pointed features, and held out his pale hand. "Oh, I'm Hayley. Hayley Oxenstierna-Nyberg."

"Oh, lovely name," said Draco. "Very interesting." he sounded genuine. "Its Swedish ..." Hayley said with a sigh. "Yeah, my family's Swedish. We only moved over when I was about four."

"You still have a really nice accent, for one who moved over so young." Draco said.

"Thanks, I love yours though. Lovely and polite." He laughed at this,

"Yeah, my parents kinda brought me up to talk like that."

"Are your parents both magical?"

"Oh yeah, my family goes back centuries and centuries, all wizards."

"Me too, ancient Swedish family ... It'd be quite interesting to meet muggleborns, don't you think?"

"Yeah, now you think about it." He beamed at her.

"I can't wait to get to know new people." said Hayley.

"You'd be used to that though?" he enquired.

"Sorta ... I haven't found many people our age that are like me, much less that I really connect with."

"Me too ... It's different with you though." Draco said shyly, his eyes darting to hers.

"I feel all cheesy now," he laughed.

"Don't worry; I feel something different with you too. Like I know you already or something." she said softly. They both went slightly pink and looked away.

She smiled and looked into his eyes again and knew this school was going to be damn great.

Just then, the door opened and in walked two very tough-looking boys with dark hair.

"Ah, meet my friends, Vincent and Gregory. But most people call them Crabbe and Goyle." Hayley smiled nervously at them.

"I'm Hayley."

"OH MY GAWD HI!" grinned Goyle, in the campest voice she had ever heard.

"We're SOOOO pleased to meet you!" squealed Crabbe, in an extraordinarily high pitched tone. They rushed over and threw their arms round her.

"MAKEOVER TIME!" they screamed in unison, jumping up and down and spazz-clapping. The corners of Draco's mouth turned up in an amused but apologetic smile. "They love the chance to give makeovers." he laughed.

An hour and lots of fits of giggles later, Crabbe and Goyle held up a mirror to Hayley and waited for her approval. "Wow ... thanks," she said. These two were extremely good at makeovers for eleven year old boys. Slightly weird on it. She glanced over at Draco to see what he thought. He seemed to be thinking hard about something.

"Hayley you never did tell me how you fell backwards out of that door onto me a while ago ..." he wondered, peering over his fingers at her.

"Oh, well these two dicks kinda beat me up." Draco gasped in horror. Crabbe and Goyle clutched their hearts dramatically.

"NO WAY!" Crabbe whispered.

"Oh. My. GAWD." stuttered Goyle. Draco seemed to snap into a different person completely. His eyes narrowed menacingly, all traces of a smile gone.

"Who was it?" he whispered, his voice clear and cold as ice. Hayley explained about the two boys who had kicked her. "Well, one had bright orange hair and said he came from a blood traitor family -"

"That'll be a Weasley ..." said Draco

"- yeah that was it ... and the other one ... Well he had like a scar on his head and the other one called him -oh!"

"What? What is it?" Goyle demanded, excited at the prospect of gossip.

"One of them was Harry Potter!" Hayley shrieked.

Crabbe clutched his heart and fell off his chair onto the floor; Goyle grabbed his own throat and began rasping in shock, both rolling about taking some sort of mad fit. But Draco's reaction was probably scarier than both. An evil (yet still gorgeous) look darkened his face and his eyes stared murderously into the distance, a devilish sneer playing on his lips. He looked like some sort of mini evil genius plotting the extermination of the human race.

He rose from his seat and said, "Crabbe, Goyle, come. We have business to attend to." he sneered. They stopped their fits and, flanking him on either side, followed him out of the room.

Hayley shrugged, got up, and followed them to the two boys' compartment. Draco was leaning casually against the wall, arms crossed, observing the fight through triumphant, narrow eyes. He looked up from the piles of robes on the floor that were Crabbe-vs.-Potter and Goyle-vs.-Weasley and over to Hayley, where his face turned back to its innocent little smile for a second. It was easy to tell who was winning, though they had quite an advantage in their size anyway, Crabbe and Goyle really knew how to fight. The Potter kid was writhing about on the floor, trying in vain to get out of Vincent's hold, while the ginger one was screaming his head off like a girl, Gregory beating him black and blue. Well it would be a nice change to those freckles anyway.

And at the same time this was occurring, two people, one girl, the other a boy were running from opposite end of the corridor. Drawn by the tormented screams of two young boys. They couldn't resist joining in. They ran straight into each other. "OW! WATCH WHERE YOU ARE FRICKIN' GOING!" the girl shouted loudly in the boys face. Then realization and recognition dawned in her eyes as she recognized the boy. "....Blaise?"

"Cara?" Cara jumped on him and hugged him tightly. They had been inseparable until Cara's mother had stopped her seeing him a year ago for reasons unknown to either of them. It had been years since they had seen each other. Cara buried her face in the crook of his neck, so he couldn't see her face...her eyes were welling up with tears. She would NOT cry! NO! NO!

He turned his head slightly and turned her head up to his using two fingers and looked straight into her eyes. "I missed you so much," he whispered softly.

Some screaming interrupted this tender moment. Typical. Blaise and Cara looked at each other and both grinned evilly. Cara opened the door to the compartment and stepped inside, Blaise right behind her. There was a ginger one how looked to be on the verge of unconsciousness and the other was a little black haired boy with a scar on his head. He was still being pummelled into the ground by a dark-haired boy built like a small tank.

Blaise exclaimed "HEY! The wee black-haired one is Harry Potter! What the....?"

"Who the hell is Harry Potter?" Cara asked confused. Everyone turned and stared at her. "What?"

"You...don't...know...who...I am?" Harry stuttered through split lips.

"No idea in hell, but you seemed to be in pain so I am here to inflict more," Cara kicked him in the head twice. He twitched, because he couldn't move without screaming like hell was on Earth. Blaise kicked him to, for good measure. They looked over to the other people in the small compartment.

Blaise recognised one. "Hi Draco" Draco nodded in welcome then looks back to the two boys being beaten to half-death.

Cara also recognised one. "HAYLEY! I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU ALL MORNING!!! GODDDAMMIT! WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU!?!?!?!"

"Uhh ... I kinda slept in -"

"YOU SLEPT IN? TODAY OF ALL DAYS? THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR GODDAMN LIFE???"

"..Well I didn't get to sleep till half 5 and then I sorta didn't have time to do my hair ..."

At this Cara looked extremely puzzled. "WHAT THE....? HOW CAN YOU STILL SEE?"

"Well I sorta erm ... bumped into Draco here and he fixed it for me," she said with an embarrased giggle in the blond's direction.

"So this is Draco Malfoy?" Cara turned to Blaise "That one you told me about?"

"Yep"

"Fun," she turned to the blond "Hi." He nodded in response and continued to watch the boys being tortured. "Oh yeah...Hayley, Blaise, Blaise, Hayley" She waved her hand unecessarily between them.

"Hej" Hayley exclaimed brightly. Blaise looked at her bewildered. "It means hello in Swedish" Cara explained.

He seemed to understand then but also seemed to be a little scared of the new girl Hayley.

Suddenly Crabbe and Goyle released the two squealing boys from their vice-like grips and sniffed the air. "TROLLEY!!" they screamed in unison, jumping onto their feet and doing jazz hands. Blaise and Cara's eyes darted between the two, then to each other. Both looked a little weirder out.

Vincent and Gregory linked arms and skipped out of the compartment to the food trolley.

Draco sighed and cracked his fingers. "If anyone wants anything, they'd better hurry up. Them two'll buy out the whole trolley."

Crabbe and Goyle skipped back into the compartment, mouths, hands and pockets spilling over with food. There were also suspicious shaped lumps in their hats. Hayley noticed that Crabbe now had a man-bag that was bulging too with sweet-shaped lumps. What was even worse was that Goyle, the bigger one, was wearing a fanny pack, which too was filled with delights. They sat down and took up a whole side of the compartment. Draco rolled his eyes and took a seat at the other side at the window, where Hayley joined him and the two began talking quietly.

Cara intertwined her and Blaise's fingers together, smiled at him and led him out of the compartment. "Come on Blaise, I want some sweets..."

They walked down the corridor towards the trolley, Cara turned to Blaise, "Blaise, who is Harry Potter? Should I know who he is?"

"Probably, he is one of the most famous wizards in history..."

"Really? He looked like an arrogant wimp...Why's he famous anyway?" She paid for the sweets.

"He defeated The Dark Lord."

"Who?"

"...Voldemort."

"Who?" Blaise's jaw literally dropped.

"...You don't...know...who...he is?"

"No, I've never heard of him"

"How can you be a pureblood and not ever have heard of him?"

"I just never have okay? Now tell me who the hell he is!" The trolley lady looked at Cara sideways.

"Walk and talk" He linked arms with Cara "The Dark Lord was the most famous dark wizard of all time, the whole story with Harry Potter is that The Dark Lord was trying to recruit people into his army. The Death Eaters. My father was one, actually it was strange...around the time it was uncovered that he was one of the Dark Lord's spies was around the same time that your mother stopped me and you hanging out...anyway, Voldemort tried to recruit the Potters but they refused so he decided he wanted them dead and decided to do it himself. The father died first, the mother died protecting her son, The Dark Lord tried to kill the son but something when wrong. The Dark Lord disappeared that night. Never seen again. Yet still people fear his name, and people still follow him undercover." Cara went quiet absorbing all this information. She spoke up after a few minutes, "But even though he was evil and all people still...like follow him...It's like a terrorist group."

"One that was feared worldwide, and that left a trail of destruction in their wake."

"Oh" She went quiet again. Blaise draped his arm around her shoulders. "What's up?"

"It's just...that...well...as you said...I'm pureblood...I should know this story...but...I'm just...confused as of why I have never even heard of this Voldemort..I mean Blaise, why have I never heard that story before?" She leant against him.

"I don't know babe...I don't know but I'm sure your mother could give you a good reason, send her a letter and ask her."

"Yeah, maybe later." She turned and hugged him tightly lightly; he kissed the top of her head. Both of them could have easily stayed there forever. And of course, something had to ruin it...The pair were kissing passionately when a small girl with a hair like a gorse bush and teeth like a beaver which had drunk bucktooth-enlarging potion walked up behind them and tapped on Cara's shoulder. Cara ignored her. The stupid looking girl spoke loudly and brashly "You need to get ready! We'll be there in like an hour! You need to like get changed and stuff! Oh My GOD! I love your shoes and like oh my god you and your boyfriend's hair colours like totally look good together. Like oh my GOD!" Cara turned slowly round and stared incredulously at the wanna-be Valley-girl. "Who the hell are you?"

The girl answered "Like oh my god, I'm Hermione, it's like so totally awesome to meet you!"

Blaise spoke the words that were running through Cara's head "Go away, no one cares, leave us alone"

"That's like so totally like rude, Uh, I'm like leaving you losers here, are you not angry that I'm like ditching you?"

"Heartbroken" Cara said sarcastically as she shoved the small annoying girl out of her way and wandered back towards the compartment, Blaise following behind her not speaking a word.

They walked back into the compartment and were amazed to find that Crabbe and Goyle had actually managed to eat all the food, and all the blood stains were gone off the floor. The two of them were now sitting on their knees at Hayley's feet, arguing over what colour of nail polish to paint her toenails. "But you picked her fingernails!" Goyle was saying.

"I only went with violet because it was either that or gold with you! Which would sooo not compliment her skin tone! And it's like, Gryffindor colours you idiot!"

"You've kinda gotta point there ..."

"Well we're doing teal for the toenails!"

"No turquoise!"

"Teal!"

"TURQUOISE!"

"TEAL!"

Hayley was backing away from them slightly, a worried look on her face, as they dangerously waved their large hands about at her knees while holding open bottles of nail varnish.

"How about none of them, just go with green?" Draco said impatiently, trying to get them to calm down.

They glared at each other before grumpily saying "Fine." at the same time, as they began to paint Hayley's nails a brilliant shade of neon green. "This is actually not bad!" said Goyle. "Suits your feet wonderfully!" exclaimed Crabbe. They began to chat animatedly about nail polish and its link with skin colour on feet. Hayley gave Draco a grateful look, when they noticed that the other two were there.

"Oh, hey, you two. You'll be next by the way Cara." said Hayley with a laugh, pointing to the two large blurred blobs bent over her feet.

"Hey what about me?" said Blaise sarcastically, laughing.

Draco and Hayley froze with strange expressions on their faces. They turned slowly to look at each other, then at the other two, looking shocked but with amusement starting to creep up through both of their expressions. Crabbe and Goyle had stopped painting Hayley's toes and turned to face Blaise. "WE'D LOVE TO!" they squealed, looking at each other and breaking into spazz-applause. "We haven't done a boy in aaaaaages!!"

"Umm .. I was joking ..."

"We're not!"

"Don't worry; we'll start with you just as soon as we've done this top layer!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Blaise, backing towards the door.

"Grab him, Cara!"

Cara held him down against the floor, as Crabbe and Goyle finished Hayley's toes and then crooned over their work, admiring first each of her hands and then her feet up against the light. "Perfect" they grinned trollishly at each other.

"Blaise, you're next!"

Hayley giggled. "You shouldn't said that back there. Draco was just telling me about the one time he asked them sarcastically to do his make-up when he was angry with their, uh, enthusiasticness one day ..." she trailed off, both of them laughing.

The two buffalo queens (don't ask) jumped on young Blaise, armed with blusher, mascara, every colour of eye shadow invented and many other things besides. When they resurfaced he was barely recognizable. They were thrilled with their work, and told him to wait patiently while they did Cara's nails and then they would remove it. But just as they finished, the train pulled to a stop. Blaise looked horrified, Cara fell on the floor laughing, Goyle and Crabbe spazz-clapped and Hayley and Draco grinned nervously at each other, excitement sparkling in their eyes. They were at Hogwarts.

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We have nothing against gingers just against the Weasley: D

Just clearing that up

There should be more coming, the sorting etc

We've actually planned all 7-8 years of Hogwarts already o.O

Kinda scary

Anyways Read&&Review Peoples!!

Love

Zee, your bringer of strange stories

Xx


	3. Chapter 3

Hey! I'm back. God it's been ages!!!!

So this is Chapter 3. Me and Hay spent too much time planning future years that we didn't get that much done =S

Oh well

Read on and review. Some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism would be good. (Hint on the word constructive).

Some imaginary marshmallows if you review.

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Our little group of first years made their way into the crowd pouring off the train. Crabbe and Goyle were at the front, elbowing a path through the mass of students, though some were twice their size, creating a bubble of space for the other four to walk through. Blaise momentarily forgot he was caked, and was slightly confused at the many looks and sniggers he was receiving from the people standing back against the walls of the carriage. He elbowed Draco and whispered, "What are they staring at?" but Malfoy didn't need to answer as realisation dawned on the darker boy's face and he put his head in his hands. "Crabbe and Goyle are such ballbags!" he wailed, frustrated, into his fingers. Soon they were off the train and the dark shadow that was Hagrid was looming down on them all. "Oh my god, what is _that_?" exclaimed Crabbe, raising his hands dramatically above his head. "I dunno, it's like a giant overgrown eyebrow!" said Goyle excitedly, jumping up and down and pointing a stubby finger in Hagrid's direction. "Hayley, he could be related to you or something!" said Cara, staring at the verocious beast. "Yeah look at that hair! You don't think he's a long lost relative or something?" Draco said jokingly. "Hayley!" They both said in union, for she had come to an abrupt halt and was staring transfixed, mouth slightly open, at the giant man. She stammered slightly, her lips eventually managing to mouth one word – "hair". She raised one thin finger and pointed it at the bush on legs that was the groundskeeper. "Firsies! _Firsies_! Come come walkie Hagrid!" _Hagrid wan eat firsies. But Dumbliedore spankie spankie Hagrid if he do that 'gain, _he thought secretly. He looked down and saw that a small 'firsie' had approached him, walking slowly on its dainty feet. It had large blue eyes that stared fixated at Hagrid, the thick array of curly black lashes framing them unblinking, as it bowed low to him. The other five that were with it stared as it raised its head, the black smooth hair falling down past its shoulders, and smiled at Hagrid, who just stared at the strange one with his head cocked to one side dumbly. He grunted stupidly and pushed it back in line with the others. "Firsies, firsies, come come walkie walkie!" he repeated in his gruff voice, waving his flowery umbrella about madly above his head. "What what you're doing with that thing, you brute!" he heard one of them shout in a high pitched, camp voice.

They were quickly joined by the rest of their soon-to-be classmates, and the whole year, led by Hagrid, began to walk towards what looked like a harbour, illuminated by the setting sun. About a dozen boats rested on the smooth surface of the water, gleaming in the evening light. They were rounded in groups of four onto the boats. Crabbe and Goyle grinned at each other unpleasantly with dark gleams in their eyes, cracking their knuckles as they climbed into the same boat as the two terrified looking boys they'd beaten up earlier. The next people in line were none other than Draco, Hayley, Cara and Blaise. Draco helped Hayley onto the boat because she nearly lost her footing, as she was too busy staring at the mass of black tangles that was Hagrid to realise that there was a gap between the ground and the boat. Cara easily stepped into the boat and turned back to see Hagrid staring at a very confused Blaise. Hagrid pointed a hairy finger at Blaise's face 'Man? Woman? Man-woman? Woman-man? Man with the makey-up? Whaaa?' Hagrid's finger jabbed Blaise between the eyes and Blaise toppled backwards into the lake. 'Oopsie.' Hagrid grunted as he lazily shoved his gigantic hands into the water and yanked up a bedraggled looking Blaise who was coughing and spluttering, by the neck of his robes, before sighing loudly beneath his hair and climbing into his own boat. Blaise's make-up was smudged severely; black circles halfway down his cheeks with glitter spread everywhere as though a rabid three year old had been set loose on his face with a brush and a pot of sparkly glue. At first it appeared that his lip had been bleeding, but that turned out to be the dark red lipstick that now ran down to his chin. It was a rather comical to watch as he pulled a few bits of seaweed out of his hair. He looked at the others in the boat, looking from the seaweed in his hand to the boat and back again. He chucked a handful of seaweed at the others. Hitting Draco square in the face, he threw another handful that hit Hayley on the back of her head, causing her to fall forward off her chair. Uncaring or knowing as to the state of his face, Zabinni shook himself angrily and climbed onto the boat. He sat down beside Cara, who was shaking with suppressed laughter, unlike Hayley and Draco who were practically rolling around on the floor, unfazed by the seaweed attack. Blaise scowled at them. 'Here,' Cara turned his face and tried to get of the lipstick with a tissue, 'Damn, must be waterproof. Only one way to fix this.' She rummaged through her pockets, 'Blaise, close your eyes.' He did as he was told because he thought that it couldn't get any worse. 'This is MagicMake-upMarker, it removes smudges instantly.' She informed him. Cara grinned wickedly and began to draw on his face with the so called _MagicMake-upMarker. _First a moustache, then glasses, then a lightening bolt scar.

'All done!' Cara exclaimed, and Blaise opened his eyes. 'Thanks.' She grinned at him. "Ooh look there's Hogwarts!" said Hayley, jumping up with her hand outstretched towards a large shape in the distance. Draco caught her as, in her eagerness, she almost fell out of the boat. Cara sighed. "Hayley, that's a tree." "Oh." Blaise laughed and Hayley turned and raised an eyebrow at him, as though he was in no place to criticise others.

They rounded a corner on the lake (yes, there is one, shut up and listen to the damn story) and an amazing sight awaited their eyes. As Hogwarts shone out of the mist, magnificent in the light of the moon, with its sky high towers and hundreds of windows, it seemed so beautiful they all thought they could hear a choir of angels singing in a dramatic fashion – "Shit, s'ma ringtone." came the low grumble of the bush in his lone boat behind all the others. All heads turned to see Hagrid with a mobile phone in his hand, from which the eerie music was emitting. "Can't member how work." He said, and with a pig-like snort, threw it over his shoulder and into the dark lake. "Was proble Dumbliedore." he said, shrugging his great mass of hair and producing from his pocket what looked like a giant chicken leg, which he gnawed at viciously.

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So after many laughing fits and a broken nail, this was the end result...

And yes I know we are being cruel to Blaise but meh...

Hagrid's statement 'Shit, s'ma ringtone' made us both laugh for about 5 minutes....

READ AND REVIEW (Your marshmallows shall arrive in the post, oh wait, Postal Strike well Dang it :D )

Lots of hugs

Zee

xxo


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